I’m sure you have been in situation either once or in the patterns of the situation where you love someone so much and giving all the best you could offer even exceed your limits yet, the other person don’t noticed or pretend to ignore nor showed any gratefulness in their life. For many of times, it ended up, you are blaming yourself from not being enough, for not being unseen, for unable to change that person.
Time to take some moment to breath. See, Consciously, the way we respond to everything (including the way we treated them) by going back to everything, people and situations, we are familiar with. If we grow up with being treated unfairly, emotionally abused, being labelled and such, we would have mostly chosen the environment when we are being treated the same ways we have always been.
It’s the familiarity, the sense of belonging, the sense of “home” in which we were raised to believe in. Our childhood life and lifestyle played the most important roles in our life.
If we were raised or been so long in the environment where you never enough, you had to chase everything, you would be choosing (attracting) the same situation as you were always have been even at work — in every relationship including the ones You are also having with Yourself.
The same way as the way we Love, Wanted to be Loved and Loving ourself and to others. The Love Languages, Attitudes and Behaviors that we show when we love Someone or (accepting the behaviors, attitudes and such) when someone love you, are based on how you wanted to be loved or wished to be loved and treated. These are kind based on the Familiarity of the Experiences of being loved.
The ways they treated you, the ways they are loving you, are the ways in which they know how they were loved back in their childhood. Their treatments to you are the ways on how and what Love is for them. Until unless, they are awaken and Choosing to break their own patters and cycles, breaking all the dogmas, and believing they are worth it to receive and capable of loving.
No matter how Safety, Tender, Love and Care You share to them, it wouldn’t make any difference, If ones Don’t Value Themselves and don’t want to walk away from Toxic Relationships and Environments they Lived, Believed and Living in For Years. Do you know that Toxicity is Habitual and Addiction?
I’m sure You are also aware that we are secretly addicted to certain pains, certain emotions, certain type of person and situations. Another reason why they don’t want to change because familiar of situations that so homey doesn’t required any new additional changes, actions or thoughts. We don’t need to respond differently; We generalized everything and everyone; Just do the same with everyone, without bother whether it harms you or others.Regardless how hurtful and harmful the responses are, it doesn’t matter because, these are the way, method, thoughts, behaviors and actions are BEST SOLUTIONS, THE BEST ESCAPE WAYS FOR ME PERSONALLY.
Don’t just simply make a conclusion of people oh they are heartless, stupid, rude and such if we don’t know their history esp. if mental illness runs in the family. Despite those unethical behaviors, thoughts and actions, ones have so much unresolved traumas and fears within them but often, they believe that those traumas, fears, misbehaviors and such are considered as Normal and being normalized and validated by people surrounds them esp. Silent Treatment.
So next time when you love someone or being loved by someone where your heart feel safe but the mind gives you so many reasons not to, try to give yourself few times tries rather than just keep rejecting.
You never know that person with genuine heart and intentions are the only changes that you need in your life. The changes that are going to make you see and experience living in a way you never thought you ever deserved; a new adventure of being loved, being cherished, taken care off, prioritized, seen and such.
The same goes in relationship, if you are meeting or being in the group where you aren’t familar yet it feels comfy somehow, try to spend more time with them.
If you are used with the abuses and such, you could also be used to be nourished and nurtured too. It’s all about creating and making new belief systems of yours and creating a new loving patterns.
These kind of Feelings and energy of being Safe, Valued, Respected and Listened, Being Loved, Adored and such, are unfamiliar with you but we, as human being, are deserved for that to experience these beautiful and wonderful feelings and experiences with those who sees our beauty beyond our hidden traumas, beyond ourself.
Again, not everyone would be comfortable of being loved, being cherished, and that’s also okay. We shouldn’t blocked ourself from giving love and compassion to others as well, but there’s boundaries and limits to do so. Some didn’t even feel the “love” and yet they pretended to feel so and abused you unconsciously.
This, is what we often got into right? in ever relationship not just the relationship with others whether is romantically, friendship or even in business, it’s also the relationship we have within ourself too. Our expectations, potentials and possibilities that we wanted are unmet realistically. And if we are grown up in environment where we are constantly not enough and needed to keep trying until we succeed, then we would be keep doing that even the reality is so crystal clear that we shall stop and move forward.
Don’t blame The Adult You. Remember, it’s all about “the familiarity” that triggers you and them too. Everyone has their own journey and we are being in their life (they are in ours) not coicidence as well — it teaches both side.
Appreciate as Everyone has their own level of tolerance and pains, appreciate that and appreciate yourself too. And not everyone would grow together with you but you can always grow and evolve yourself alone without anyone.
Just like them who don’t want to grow with you, you can choose to grow without them too.
Loving should be Liberating, Freedom and when you love someone, you are setting each other free.
