Weaken to Strengthen (Anger)

We are looking for our strengths but we forget that strength also comes from weaknesses. But with being perfectly created, does weakness ever exist naturally or it comes from Fears and Traumas?

For throughout 36,5 years of my life (I’m almost 39 now) even I believe, since I was born, anger had always be a part of me that slowly for sure I had turned myself as the emotion of Anger itself. I grew up being an angry kid, teenager and adult until I had no idea what had I done for myself, but the anger slow down and become manageable and visible clearly right now.

As a baby, we are more sensitive, we absorbed energy without even knowing whose energy was it. And since I was a baby, I knew I absorbed my parents emotions and angers especially since I’m a Highly Sensitive Person.

For many times I asked myself why am I full of anger? why so many hatred, disappointments and a lot more of emotional feelings that I didn’t recognised apart from called all of them as “anger”. When I was a kid, I was also an attention seeker at school, highly energetic, yet when I’m alone, I was able to calm down, even when I went out with my parents in the mall and such, I’m not that kind of kid that was busy messing around or crying out loud and such. I was really calm outside and inside only at school I behaved such. One moment I was hyper, one moment I was calm, depend where am I at?

Again, from the beginning, this anger wasn’t come from me at first because though as a baby we didn’t recognized emotions but we recognized energy. See, the anger that wasn’t come from me, the range of wrath, disappointments came from my parents first.

And of course apart from external, you also need to reflect back to your Inner too. I could blame my parents for portrayed that energy to me, but I also needed to understand if those aren’t mine, I shouldn’t be so irritated. So as I got myself deeper, I realized, The Fears of Rejection and Abandonment are too much, unexpressed, unrecognized and unseen. These two issues are the ones I’m still dealing with but a lot easier right now. From being too attached to become someone who’s detaching to things a lot more than I used to. These fears may also not just fears toward people, but toward situations or intangible things — triggers can happened through our 5 senses that even by listening to certain sounds could make us fearful (thunder for instance).

Fear of Rejection, Abandonment, Change, Failure, Uncertainties, Being Judged, Future, Not being Good Enough, Being Alive & Free, Being Failure, Unseen (Unrecognized) are common Fears. So what are the primary Fears that You’re having?

But hey, Never thought the prayer of so many years for wanted to let go of my anger were suddenly answered and although, I do still feel angry with the underlying whatever emotions behind of it,

Anger wasn’t become an enemy rather a friend that needed to be acknowledged, seen, understood, even being valued. Anger and other negative emotions which are rising it’s a part of me that needed nothing but to be Loved and Taken Care off.

And each time I’m angry right now, I would let msyelf to feel the emotions and then when I’m cooling down, I’ll ask myself (yes, having a conversation with myself), “Why am I angry? What triggers me? What are the Emotions underlying it?” and so-on.

Sometimes, the anger or any emotions, aren’t come from us but we absorbed them unconsciously especially if you do healing session or have strong connection to someone. From Weaknesses to become Strength, from Strength turned into Weaknesses.

Guess what’s the Opposite of Anger? It’s Patience, Calm and Joy. And the same time, this is what I also been asking for to have more patience, to be more calm and to be Joyful. And for so many years I prayed, this session of being calmer, more patience and becoming joyful are here. Yes, there’s stage in life where I’m not Joyful, but there’re more moments where I am able to be Calm and Patience and can be Joyful for a while even by just listening to my favorite music, seeing my Paw Kids or by just seeing the Nature, Listening to the sound of the wind, be in the sun and such.

Does these weaknesses are actually Yours at the first place? or You are an embodiment of Someone else’s Fears?

Little kid has no fear, they see the world as their playground. They fall, they cried, they stand up and they try again or move forward. They don’t understand weaknesses, because they all believe they’re strong and have superpowers. That’s why kids love Super Heroes movies because they believe in themselves so much that they are Super, Hero and Super Hero!

No! I never able to be Patience, Calm for 36,5 years (let’s say 37) and Yes, it’s just happening recently because small things may unseen, until it has been collectively focused for certain period of time. It may felt nothing have changed, but along the processes of achieving, there are so much things slowly shifted.

For Angers or any Negative Emotions to heal, it needs to be opened and giving yourself time, allowing these emotions to peel itself, layer to layer like an Onion. First, there will be a lot of denials, a lot even more angers you’ll feel because when you start to cut yourself, what You’ll be seeing the things in which you have covered, things which you ignored and pretended, things which you thought you have forgotten and healed, a lot of things that are going to make you doubtful about yourself, your own healing and people surround you. Instead of “being like a whole”, You’ll bleed more but that’s where the truth is being revealed and healing begins.

Only when I begin to open my heart, the true healing taketh place. Facing the Anger again but with different kind of energy. Only when I begin to do so, I begin to revisit my pasts again, facing my emotions, meeting those kind of people again, I begin to understand and rediscover myself again.

From being weaken by Angers to be Strengthen because of Anger. because sometimes, the weakness may not be started from us within, but from the external world of ours then ended up become our belief systems. And when it’s deeply planted within us, we, behave, think, act, are based on that energy too.

If we can planted that Anger or certain emotions and we became that, we are also able to plant another beautiful emotions next to it rather than just erased it all. No don’t blame others too much, for they are also experiencing the same kind of emotions toward themselves that they may not able to recognize, validate and regulate that certain emotions.

It’s normal to feel angry, to be disappointment, we, are human and we are here to experience feelings, emotions and that’s what make us human, aren’t?

And after turning the Weakness of Anger into Strength comes Joy, Calm and Patience. And Where it leads to? Yep! L O V E ! So let’s go to the next part. — L O V E , are you ready?